


Screw My Light Bulb by the Moonlight

by willy-o-the-wisp (bluekupkakez)



Category: Durarara!!, Naruto
Genre: AU, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, M/M, Mild Cursing, Multi, Porn, Threesome, courtesan/pornstar! Sasuke, don’t take this seriously, improper use of light bulbs, kids don’t try this at home, loud moaning, some spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:30:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3462722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluekupkakez/pseuds/willy-o-the-wisp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Aww, Shizu-chan...look at him, all damsel-in-distress! Let’s give him a helpful...hand, shall we?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Screw My Light Bulb by the Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, daaahlings~! I give you the first fic I’ve ever written. It's an older work, pimped and revised for your pleasure. I’ve never watched Naruto, nor read the manga, but Sasuke sure seemed like a nice character for Shizaya (and me) to play with.  
> Hope you’ll enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters. I just like to mess with them.

The handsome and oh-so-mysterious Sassuke (never Sasuke, always S ** _ass_** uke) happened to be wearing just a kilt on that beautiful night. He was facing one of the most difficult trials of his entire entire ninja, courtesan and x-rated star career: he had to change a light bulb. Oh, yes, a light bulb! Him, the great mysterious ninja, Sassuke 3xM: Man-Mountain-Mystery (or, according to a certain crimson-eyed, brunet info broker, “3x masochist”), THE Sassuke....had to perform this mundane task...

Which he had no idea how to approach.

Nothing in his legendary autobiography of 3 pages and 139 chapters had prepared him for this menial, yet epic quest. _Epic_ , because our living legend considered that all jobs/tasks/actions he undertook were epic by default. They couldn’t be otherwise, it would be a blasphemy. For he was.... Sassuke 3xM: Man-Mountain-Mystery. Trained by his very own Mama-san.

THE Sassuke began his quest by creeping ninja-style from the deepest, darkest shadows of the moonlit room. The lack of electric light was due to the bulb getting smashed by a certain hentai duo, but he’d rather believe his skills were being tested. Sassuke liked to think that all his actions were guided by a higher power. Like fate.

Or the movie director.

Therefore, creeping from the shadows _into_ the shadows, our protagonist approached the said light bulb stealthily. It was yet unclear to him why he had to perform the deed...after all, ninja did operate best under the cover of darkness. However, if the little he had understood of the fate-written script required bringing light...then he’d accomplish it perfectly.

Target located.

Target approached.

Target…out of reach?! Why, the insult! He was Sassuke 3xM. But he could not fly.

Suddenly, his outraged thoughts were interrupted by two dark shadows looming in the doorway – a taller one, surrounded by a menacing aura, and a smaller one, which seemed very...cunning and devious, even in the obscurity.

But our Sassuke didn’t find it suspicious. Not at all. He merely believed fortune was smiling on him, providing two mysterious-but-potentially-helpful strangers.

This fact was confirmed by the smaller shadow’s words, “Need some help there?”

A ninja of few words, Sassuke 3xM merely nodded in the voice’s general direction.

“Aww, Shizu-chan...look at him, all damsel-in-distress! Let’s give him a helpful... _hand_ , shall we?”

“Damn flea, don’t tell me what to do!” growled the taller silhouette.

“Don’t mind him, little ninja...your looks have just made him lose his last two brain cells and now he’s a complete protozoan. Congrats, Shizu-chan!” chirped the smaller figure, clapping their hands.

“Why, you...!!!” At this point, the taller shadow burst into the room, grabbed a chair from the corner – Sassuke noticed the table and two chairs...well, just one now – and flung it violently at the other figure. The latter evaded the attack deftly, as if he had years of training and experience.

The moonlight spilling from the window revealed several crucial details about the two strangers: the taller figure was a blond young man, and he was extremely angry; the smaller one was dark-haired and wore a mocking grin. They seemed...familiar. However, since Sassuke’s memories were quite hazy most of the time, he couldn’t place them exactly. And while our protagonist didn’t understand the source of the blond’s outburst, he felt something stir, deep inside him...and outside, in his most-valued nether parts. Oh, the said Shizu-chan and Flea possessed such passion, such energy...they entranced Sassuke, making him want...want…well, _something_. He wondered how to regain the attention of the fighting couple.  

It turned out that he needn’t try too much. Merely approaching them and running a hand through his mysterious hair made them freeze on the spot, as if remembering they had a very important task. After all, Sassuke hadn’t trained so long and hard with his Mama-san for nothing. No one could resist his charm, which landed him into a great variety of troubles…er, adventures. But he liked adventures, even those that ended up in a haze of exhaustion, deep satisfaction and a collection of sores and bruises all over his mysterious body. And, oh, especially inside...

The two were approaching him like hungry wolves. The ninja could feel the heat of their desire. He shivered in anticipation. 

^_^

 

 “Sassu-chan, you look so lovely when you’re confused,” said the Flea.

Wait...his name was...hmm...Sassuke could almost remember it. Iz...Iza...Izaya! That’s it! Which meant that the other was called…Shizuo. The ninja felt smug. Some of his memories seemed to be returning.

Izaya went on, “Why don’t you let me…uh, _us_ teach you how to replace a light bulb?” The question was followed by a cunning smirk as the brunet was peering tentatively at said Shizu-chan. The blond seemed to have put aside his wrath for the moment. Good. After all, they had a very important task at hand. He could hurl lamp posts and furniture at the flea later.

The prospect of learning something so difficult thrilled Sassuke immensely. He could finally fulfill his quest. And so, the ninja-of-few-words spoke for the first time that night, “Yes, please teach me.”

“What do you say, Shizu-chan? Since he asks us so nicely...” said the raven-haired male in a teasing tone.

The tall blond grunted. He was all for _teaching_ Sassuke, but not mere theory. Unlike the flea, he was more practice-oriented.

“Good,” said Izaya. “Step 1: you need a table of medium height...just like that one,” he pointed to the respective piece of furniture in the corner of the room.

Sassuke was extremely surprised, even if he didn’t show it. Whatever did a table have to do with a light bulb?

“Shizu-chan, would you kindly carry it to the middle of the room, under the light bulb?” continued the Flea.

The blond was about to grab the table and fling it at Izaya instead. But he changed his mind quickly – how would they be able to teach the ninja without proper props? The director always nagged him about his destructive tendencies. Even he could see the importance of the said table. Moreover, he would also teach the flea a lesson he won’t be forgetting too soon... He’ll show that smug bastard that he, too, could plan his actions thoroughly.

He lifted the piece of furniture effortlessly and set it in the designed place, even if a bit askew – obedience had its limits – complaining, “Damn flea, stop ordering me around! And don’t call me by that stupid nickname!”

“Why, thank you, Shizu-chan,” chirped the information broker, making the blond grit his teeth. “Now, Sassu-chan, Step 2: you get on the table,” he added, rubbing his hands in anticipation and eyeing the almost naked ninja greedily.

Sassuke didn’t understand why he had to do that. But Izaya seemed so sure of himself, he obeyed without question, and placed his kilt-clad bottom on the table.

“Oh, no, no, Sassu-chan! Not like that. You just have to bend over it,” clarified the Flea.

Sassuke was even more puzzled, but he did as commanded. He secretly loved to be told what to do by an authoritarian figure. Even if Izaya wasn’t as tall and imposing as the blond bartender, he certainly had a domineering aura about him. Our mysterious ninja shivered. His nether regions were starting to grow uncomfortably hot and hard. As he bent over the table, propping himself up on his elbows, his short kilt lifted slightly, exposing more of his milky, smooth thighs.

Shizuo could barely restrain himself at the sight. “Oi, flea, enough talking. Let’s get down to business!” he growled, fidgeting like a child before his birthday cake.

“Patience, Shizu-chan,” teased Izaya. “Half the fun lies in creating the right atmosphere. It’s all about the anticipation. But what am I saying? You have less subtlety than that broken chair over there. Anyway, we must instruct dear Sassu-chan here thoroughly in the art of screw...uh..replacing light bulbs.”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT, YOU DAMN FLEA!” howled the bartender, already at his (short) wits’ end. Through the fog of rekindled rage, he barely heard Izaya trying to appease him.

“Hold your testosterone! Why don’t we find out if he’s wearing anything under that kilt! Our ninja may be as mysterious as always, but I bet he’s naked!”

Shizuo couldn’t stop himself anymore. He lashed at the prone ninja figure and started fondling him all over. Grabbing his hair, he yanked Sassuke’s head to the side and kissed him roughly. The 3xM moaned deeply at the harsh treatment and wriggled his behind invitingly.

“Shizu-chan, wait! I’m not done with the instructions! Show some manners! And it’s my turn to be first. You banged him first when we played Santa-Clause last time and made a fine mess of him. I like it more when he’s conscious, you know, not screwed out of his mind,” protested Izaya, despite knowing how pointless it was. Nothing could separate Shizuo from his prey now.

The ninja gasped for air when the blond released his mouth in favor of peppering hickeys across his neck and shoulders. Sassuke was so aroused it hurt. He felt that the still dressed male behind him was poking his backside with something just as hard. Could that be...? He moaned for effect.

Meanwhile, the Flea found it all extremely frustrating. He liked to play a bit before the main course, to improve the script – to be the first one to enjoy Sassuke, every once in a while. Unlike the the blond beast, who only wanted was to plunge in, disregarding all of Izaya’s (and the director’s) meticulous instructions and previous negotiations. The raven-haired sighed and produced a bottle of lube from his pocket. The least he could do was minimize the damage that demon did to their pet and co-star. Not that the ninja minded said “damage”, as a true, hardcore 3xM.

^_^

 

“Here comes Step 3, Sassu-chan: you thoroughly unscrew the previous light bulb,” said Izaya longingly, as he approached the pair bent on the table. “This was supposed to be my part, but I’ll just have to settle for Step 4: screwing the new light bulb in place.”

Sassuke grunted in acknowledgement. He’d do his best not to forget the steps, even if his mind was so clouded by lust. After all, Mama-san had taught him many things, including the importance of fulfilling a quest.

While Shizuo started ripping his own clothes off, the Flea opened the small bottle of lube and coated his hands, then the busy blond’s stiff length in the cool fluid.

The beast gasped. “You...aah...don’t touch me ...like you please... bloody parasite!” His voice sounded strained. It shamed him to admit, even to himself, that he actually enjoyed the broker’s skilled touch.

“Oh, but you like it... _Shizu-chan_. You’re so big and hard, you’re almost tempting me,” laughed Izaya.

“Shut up!”

Smirking knowingly at Shizuo’s embarrassment, the raven-haired proceeded to prepare their pet. He leaned in to steal a kiss from his full lips, hitched his kilt gently and paused. “Oh, my, look, I was right! He’s really wearing nothing under. Such a traditionalist, our Sassu-chan,” he chuckled, then spanked the ninja bent over the table, who moaned. “Such a little pervert, too...good boys don’t get so turned on by lecherous things like these!” Izaya taunted. His clever fingers lubricated and relaxed Sassuke’s insides, while his free hand stroked the ninja’s shaft.

“That’s it, out of the way, damn flea! Don’t spoil my fun!” growled Shizuo.

“Fine, fine. I’ll let you have your fun for now. But don’t take too long, Shizu-chan. My pants are already too tight around certain areas,” warned Izaya, removing his fingers from Sassuke and retreating a few steps to the side to watch the two with a frustrated scowl.

Now that there was nothing standing between him and his juicy prey, Shizuo plunged all the way to the hilt in one swift thrust. He wasn’t a man who dealt in half measures. All or nothing suited him much better. The smaller male under him cried in surprise and pleasure at the sudden penetration, and the blond repeated the action.

Again. And again....

Grabbing Sassuke by his oh-so-mysterious hair again, Shizuo yanked back. The ninja screamed even louder.

“Oi, shut up, lil’ bitch! You’re grating on my nerves!” complained the ex-bartender.

“I didn’t know you had any nerves, Shizu-chan,” said Izaya from nearby. “But I like the way he screams. Besides, it’s your fault. You’re kinda rough even for our kinky friend...hmm...but I think he loves it anyways.”

And he was right. Lost in a sea of bliss, Sassuke was oblivious to anything else. He only knew that he wanted it to never stop. Mama-san told him it’s all right, even advisable to ask for more. This way, he could be sure he was getting everything he wanted in life. Though she was probably referring to asking for more money from the clients…

“More! Aaaaah, yes, moooore! Right there!” he moaned.  And Shizuo happily obliged after muffling his cries with his palm.

Izaya couldn’t stand anymore the role of mere witness.

“Let _me_ handle that, Shizu-chan! I guess it beats watching you two having all the fun.” He undressed in an instant and positioned himself on the table, right in front of Sassuke, ordering, “Open up, Sassu-chan. You’ll wake the neighbours again, and Shizu-chan will start throwing them out the window...”

Shizuo removed his hand and gripped Sassuke’s shaft instead, pumping it in tune with his thrusts. More blissful cries ensued.

Then, obediently (for, even in such a daze, he obeyed orders) the ninja took Izaya’s entire length into his hot mouth, making the info broker groan. It felt too good to be true. Sassuke prided himself in his impeccable, irresistible skills. It occurred to him then that he knew some other, equally entrancing tricks. For example, his Secret Ass Technique...

Shizuo was glad that the ninja was more quiet, now that his mouth was otherwise occupied. So he was baffled to find himself release a very unmanly cry. What the fuck was that?? It felt... _amazing_. He spanked the smaller man bent over the table, demanding, “Do that again! Oh, yeah, AGAIN!”

Izaya chuckled. It seemed that Shizu-chan was screaming even louder than Sassu-chan. Oh, how he would tease him later...But for now, he closed his eyes, threw his head back and enjoyed the 3xM’s skills until he could hold back no longer. 

He spilled himself suddenly inside that hungry little mouth. Trembling all over, Izaya slumped on his back. He propped himself up on his elbows. He liked to watch the two in action. Shizu-chan seemed even fiercer than usual. The broker thought he was lovely, with his flushed face and eyes shut firmly, demanding more and more.

Sassuke couldn’t take it anymore. With a decidedly feminine scream (his mouth was free again) he came into the blond’s fist, causing the other man to reach his peak as well and fill him with his hot seed.

Their labored breathing were the only sounds in the moonlit room for a while. The ninja thought that Mama-san would be very proud of him. But…there was something nagging him...he was supposed to be doing something... fulfill a quest..something about..what was it? He couldn’t remember. Shizuo had that effect on him. And Izaya tasted like salt and madness. Oh, how the 3xM savored every drop.

Speaking of him…the info broker managed to catch his breath, slid down from the table and was eyeing him hungrily. But surely he wasn’t able to do anything this soon...? Sassuke peeked between Izaya’s legs and couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Nee, Sassu-chan, I believe it’s my turn now to enjoy the heaven beneath your kilt...” The Flea grinned devilishly. “You didn’t think I’d give up so easily, did you? It’s time for Step 4: screwing the new bulb tightly in place,” he chuckled darkly.

^_^

 

Some might think that our protagonist, Sassuke 3xM: Man-Mountain-Mystery, was sore and tired after the intense experience with Shizuo. Sassuke was no ordinary ninja, though. Trained by his Mama-san to please even the most demanding clients, he wasn’t one to be easily drained. Besides, swallowing Izaya’s considerable amount of seed had provided him precious calories he was ready to put to good use. It was better than an energy drink, actually, and it was all natural.

Once his initial surprise at the Flea’s prolonged arousal had vanished, the super-ninja was prepared for another romp.

Meanwhile, Shizuo sat in the corner on the only chair left standing. He was watching them expectantly, with a smug look, as if planning something, while smoking lazily. Sassuke thought that this unhealthy habit might cause the blond to become impotent over time. It would be a terrible waste, and he seriously considered warning the ex-bartender. But Izaya started trailing kisses over his neck at that point, and all rational thoughts fled from our 3xM.

“I want to see you beg, Sassu-chan,” purred the Flea in his ear.

Sassuke’s brain wasn’t fully operating yet. He didn’t understand what he should be begging for. He didn’t have time to figure it out, either, as the info broker had him turn around, so that he was splayed face up on the table, fully exposed to the other’s devious smirk. It seemed that Izaya had a more subtle approach than the blond’s “dive in now, ask questions later”, as if he wanted to savour the experience.

The ninja liked to be savoured, unfurled, worshiped (whoreshipped)...for he was a true mystery.

The teasing kisses started from his precious shaft, making it completely hard once again (not that it was so difficult to arouse Sassuke), then continued up on his belly, chest, nipples, neck, finally reaching his hungry lips. The 3xM loved kissing, and Izaya was very good at it.

“Oi, damn flea, you’re acting like a nun! I’m falling asleep here. Throw in some action worth watching,” complained Shizuo.

“You know nothing about the fine art of seduction, Shizu-chan,” chided the info broker at the end of a mind-numbing kiss. “Shut up, watch and take lessons from a true master.”

“I’ll teach _you_ a lesson, you smug bastard,” muttered the blond under his breath, too quietly for the busy Flea to hear him.

Izaya continued to kiss Sassuke all over, making him whimper with impatient lust. The ninja felt as if he were on fire. He tried to guide the other’s mouth towards his engorged shaft, but the broker chuckled and feigned ignorance. The 3xM was all but squirming. He wasn’t used to being denied, for he was THE Sassuke.

“Oh, my, Sassu-chan, is there something bothering you? Will you enlighten me...perhaps ask for what it is that you desire? Beg, even?” asked the raven-haired with mocking sweetness.

“I...want...you!” Sassuke groaned. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Tsk, tsk! How about being a bit more specific?” the Flea never stopped his teasing.

If that was what it took to put an end to the delightful torture, then Sassuke would beg, indeed. He enjoyed begging, secretly, though people thought him too mysterious and haughty for such lowly behaviour.

“F-fuck me...please!” he implored, quite convincingly.

“Oh, if you beg so nicely... _Itadakimasu_!” Lifting the ninja’s legs on his shoulders, he plunged into his already slick, inviting body, drawing moans from both of them.

“Aaaah, Sassu-chan, you’re so hot and wet...just like a lady,” panted Izaya, overwhelmed, as he rocked in and out. “Shizu-chan did a proper job stretching you.”

Sassuke whimpered in response. He didn’t understand if being like a lady was a compliment, but the Flea’s breathless tone suggested that he was enjoying himself quite a lot, so it must’ve been. And then the 3xM started to writhe and scream in earnest, as a certain spot within him was targeted.

“Ooh, Sassu-chan…looks like we’ve struck gold! If you…beg and call me Izaya-sama, I might…do it again,” Izaya chuckled breathlessly.

Sassuke would have done anything by this point.

“Yeeees, oooooh, Izaya-samaaa, please, more...MOOORE! AAAAAAH!” And Izaya-sama complied, thrusting faster, harder…

Shizuo watched the moonlit couple with growing excitement. Faces contorted in pleasure, lithe bodies glistening with sweat, muscles flexing…even the annoying cries and moans turned him on somehow. He was hard again. Very hard. Finishing his cigarette and crushing it under the sole of his boot, he stood and rubbed his hands together. His wicked grin announced to the oblivious couple that he was about to fulfill his own dirty agenda. He couldn’t wait to see the flea’s reaction.

Fuck, yeah!

^_^

 The blond remembered vaguely that the small parasite had left a bottle of lube somewhere around, and decided it’d be more fun to use some. Cries of pleasure were always better than those of pain. He did dislike violence, after all.

He scanned the room for the bottle, located it near the table where the two were so deeply engaged, and picked it up. The otherwise perceptive Izaya and Sassuke didn’t notice a thing, so lost were they in their shared bliss.

While lubricating his impressive shaft, Shizuo thought this was the perfect moment to strike, with the flea so vulnerable. The broker’s clothes, which contained his switchblade, lay discarded on the floor, completely out of his reach. Not that the blond was afraid of those annoying toys. To Shizuo, Izaya was...hmm...like a mosquito, like a... flea, duh. A flea he could squash under a vending machine, but also...screw. His dark grin widened as he finally launched the attack.

Oblivious to the ex-bartender’s scheming (was the beast even capable of even the simplest form of reasoning?), Izaya continued his lewd acrobatics with Sassuke. He took great delight in the ninja’s exquisite tightness, his cries and pleas, but little did he know he’d be joining him in…3...2...1…

“Aaaah!” Izaya was startled by the sudden set of spankings he received. When two strong, slippery hands grab his unsuspecting behind and started kneading it, he could only hiss in pleasure. “Sassu-chan, you’re so bold toni-”

“Guess again, flea.”

 Izaya’s eyes flew open at the sound of that dangerous voice in his ear. He stared down at the ninja’s hands, still grabbing the table’s edge for support. So the hands behind him could only belong to… a leering Shizuo.

“What the fuu…nngh!” The broker’s question was interrupted by another smack delivered to his tender ass. More lewd sounds escaped his kiss-swollen lips, and his cheeks turned the same crimson shade as his eyes. It was so embarrassing, so thrilling to have his secret fantasy fulfilled, that he didn’t know how to react. How could the beast have known he’d been lusting after him for quite a while? In fact, Izaya was almost jealous of Sassuke, who received the royal treatment from Shizu-chan, but he hadn’t really dared to think too much of it, to analyse those feelings. There had to be something wrong with him, though. Wanting to be screwed silly by your barbaric protozoan of an arch-nemesis wasn’t a sign of sanity.

Then again, Izaya never claimed to be the sanest person around…The god of porn had heard his shameful desires, anyway, and was bringing him closer to their fulfillment.

Izaya stared again at the male under him and tightened his grip on the slender legs resting on his own shoulders. Yes, Sassu-chan probably had something to do with this – for all the broker knew, the ninja was the god of porn himself. He grinned, and thanked the 3xM with a few more well-placed thrusts, all the while leaning invitingly into the blond’s surprisingly tender touches. At least, he could make the most of the situation, for it may be the only chance he had. Enjoy it while it lasted, that was his style. 

“Shizu-chan, who’s acting like a nun now? I thought you hated foreplay. Come on, be a man and do it…ghhh!” He gasped when something cold brushed hesitantly against his entrance.

“Shut up, flea! Be thankful I’m not shoving it in dry,” growled the ex-bartender behind him. He slid a finger inside Izaya’s tight ass, but it was hard to do this properly with him moving like that. “Stay still and STOP calling me that already!” He spanked him again for good measure, though the raven-haired seemed to be enjoying it.

 “Aagh! But Shizu-chan…it...AAAAH!“

“Payback time, damn flea!”  The blond grinned, spanking him harder and shoving a second finger inside.

“Aaah, damn! You bastard! I’ll…” protested the smaller male. He didn’t have time to add something else, because just then Shizuo’s fingers brushed something inside that made him see stars.

Meanwhile, THE Sassuke’s back was starting to grow numb, despite all his training. His legs, still resting on the brunet’s shoulders, were just as tired. Apparently the table wasn’t as comfortable and stable as a nice, shiny floor. And he was more confused than usual. What exactly was happening? Izaya-sama was generally more composed than that, he didn’t scream and curse – or halt mid-thrust, for that matter. The ninja wanted the fun to continue.

Opening his eyes, he saw the blond standing close behind the Flea, fondling him all over, biting on his shoulder, then obviously plunging into him – Izaya-sama’s scream was unmistakable to an expert like Sassuke.

The ninja was perplexed – as perplexed as a 3xM ninja could be...Shizou had never shown such an intimate interest in Izaya-sama before. Maybe it was part of the quest. The “4th Step” was certainly more complex than he had ever imagined. Not that he had too much imagination. His role as a good, submissive kinky ninja didn’t include coming up with new ideas. He let the clients, Mama-san or Shizaya come up with those, and he just lost himself in the thrilling sensations. But now that the sensations had ceased…what was he supposed to do?

Sassuke smoothed the crumpled, sweaty folds of his kilt and bucked his hips, engulfing the broker in his heat once more.

Izaya froze as the ninja was squeezing him tightly, and the burning pressure of being filled by Shizuo’s ginormous monster of a dick turned into something else entirely. It felt ridiculously good, not at all what he’d expected. How could it be? The protozoan had been plotting it all along, right under his nose? He’d thought he’d seen the unusual glimmer of thinking in his golden, beast-like eyes, but he’d dismissed it as improbable. Oh, how wrong he’d been. And how glad he was to be proved wrong, for once.

Seeing the strained expression on Izaya-sama’s face, Sassuke decided it was time for another round of his Secret Ass Technique, just to smooth things up. That skill always lifted his clients’…. _spirits_.

The Flea cried out and arched his back, all traces of pain forgotten.

“S-Sassu-chan, do t-that again!” he stammered.

The ninja complied, satisfied that Izaya-sama was resuming his pounding.

The brunet lowered Sassuke’s legs from his shoulders with shaky hands, holding on for dear life and increasing his rhythm with a vengeance while impaling himself on the blond beast behind him.

Shizuo couldn’t stop himself from grunting as the flea started to move around him like the wild thing he was. To be honest, he’d expected more fighting and objections from the devilish man, not this unusual submission, this...welcoming. Not that he was complaining. Izaya’s body felt even better than THE Sassuke’s, perhaps because it was less used to this sort of obscene acts. His arousal soared to new heights and he became even more forceful, reddening the broker’s behind with spankings and covering his pale neck in bite-marks. Izaya’s scent was driving him insane.

For the first time in his life, the broker’s sharp mind swam in a fog of lust and pleasure. Sandwiched between the blond beast and the super-ninja, he was truly incoherent, the loud sounds spilling from his mouth proving his state.

“Ooooh...that’s.....aaaaaah, yesss, mooore...mmmmghhh…!!!”

“You scream more than him, you slutty flea!” teased Shizuo, biting the brunet’s neck harder and thrusting in harder still. More cries resulted. The blond didn’t seem annoyed by his arch-nemessis’s vocals, though. They went well with the vulgar squelches and slapping sounds of their coupling. And it thrilled him greatly that he could reduce the devilish flea to an incoherent mess.

The table creaked and shuddered under the three men’s rocking, but they took no notice. So lost were they in each other, in all ways.

“T-t-too much...c-can’t ...anymore....WAAAAAH!” keened Izaya and spent himself deep within Sassuke.

This unusual situation was too much even for the ninja, who joined Izaya-sama in his noisy release. The Flea then dropped Sassuke’s legs and collapsed exhausted on top of him. It felt oh so intimate.

The 3xM embraced his twitching body and sought his mouth for a slow kiss. Izaya met his lips, moaning softly into his mouth, while Shizuo still worked his magic on him.

“Damn imp, you’re way too fast...can’t even take it like a man…for more than ten minutes!” panted the blond, dangerously close to the edge himself.

“It’s you fault, Shizu-chan...and Sassu-chan’s...no one can resist your ero-combo,” gasped Izaya, a lazy and satisfied smirk spreading on his flushed face.

As if in confirmation, the ex-bartender lost control, spilling himself into the dark-haired male, howling “I-ZAA-YAAAAAAGH“. He’d never imagined that fucking the flea would be so satisfying – something akin to a mystical experience, whatever that was.

“Shut up, pervert. You make a decent man lose his mind,” said Shizuo, breathing hard. His head swimming with the force of his release, he collapsed on top of Izaya. Who lay on top on the ninja. Who lay on the very unfortunate table.

This was the last straw for the said piece of furniture which collapsed, unable to support their combined weight. The three males landed in a sweaty, sleepy, moonlit (never forget the moon!) heap, with Izaya and THE Sassuke on top of the ex-bartender.

“Shizu-chan, you could destroy something even in your sleep!” laughed Izaya.

The blond grabbed his head roughly and kissed him. It was both a pleasure and an effective way to silence his newly-recovered sharp tongue. The info broker twined his tongue with his, eager to taste him, savouring every moment. Then Shizuo released his mouth to capture Sassuke once again.

 “Nee, Sassu-chan...it looks like you won’t be completing your quest anytime soon without the most vital item…But worry not, I’ve got a better idea...”

Sassuke heard his words but didn’t catch their meaning – he was too occupied with the blond’s mouth. Which was why he was baffled when Izaya-sama got up and brought him a light-bulb. He lifted the ninja’s left leg, in order to gain better access to the strategic point, and screwed its base into his drenched hole.

“There, Sassu-chan... a perfect fit. Mission accomplished! I’ve screwed your light bulb tightly,” the Flea snickered.

“Hentai,” grumbled Shizuo, wrapping his arms drowsily around the two brunets.

But our Sassuke 3xM: Man-Mountain-Mystery was satisfied. Mama-san had taught him that completing a quest was the most important thing. And he had succeeded.

Wait...what was his mission again? Maybe he should redo it in the morning...just to be sure he’d learnt all the Steps.

 

 


End file.
